What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
