ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
