Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
