I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize