'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
