im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
