4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
