Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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