I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
