Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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