yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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