She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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