i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
