So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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