There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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