Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She announced her abortion via fbk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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