At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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