Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
