the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
