I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
