even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The air was thick with penises
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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