Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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