so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
