TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it hurts more in the daytime
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
