we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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