I wanna passion pit in your ass
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
