Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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