so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
