Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize