They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Houston, we have a blender
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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