I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bring me that man meat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
