take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
