i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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