Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
