Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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