you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
