I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
