So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
