Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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