At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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