Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
