never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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