dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
