So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
