you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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