dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
