the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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