i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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