when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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