She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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