Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
