I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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