dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
