oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
