look no pants
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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