I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
