He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
