remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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