I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
