I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
