Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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