Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
