The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
