THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
